Ensnared

Ensnared in the dark.
Unknown to all.
Silently whispering insults to the call.
To flee is tis what is wanted, but that was in vain.
Stuck here in this moment-

Forced to be surfacely tamed.

Change

This is something new.
Something old.

Where things used to make sense...
A change in the wind, the direction-
The want, it's felt with every minute that passes through.

It is strange, confusing.
Makes the past seem like a distant memory of something that never
Should have happened to begin with, but did.

The memory is missed, yes.

The want...
What's wrong?

What is it?

Turmoil

Stop it!
Stand!

You need to stand!
Forget it!

I can't!
You can!

Stuck in the quicksand.
Blurry world.
Blurry thoughts.
Perhaps I really should just start to talk.
Yes
I think I should just talk.

Marble

Can't take it.
I said I could.
I can't
I really can't-

Trying to ignore it.
to let go.

Break past it, but I can't

I want to
So badly want to.
This isn't a feeling meant for me.

Can I trade it for greed?
I don't get lonely.
I don't fall to my knees-
Begging like some common girl with no will power to stand on her own.

I'm resisting the water that wants to fall.
Resisting the clenching and sinking feeling deep within.
It's not a common thing-
Though others would say it is.
Not to me,
No not to me.

This feeling that sends me to my knees.
To the floor.
Crashing on it's marble surface-
Cold, cool surface.
My nails bleed.
Bleed from my will to stand up but only able to lift half of me by my hands.
Palms sticky with sweat.
This is no endurance test.
Fallen on the floor.
Barely holding on to sanity.

Shaking legs, bleeding nails.
Nails that dig into the cool marble,
Marble that is freezing me to the core.

Words

Can it stop now?
The words?
Entering-
Rushing quickly to the fingers?
To create such poems as these?
It's not for me,
Not for me.

Shut up mind!
Stop creating these sentences of rhyme.
I want it to stop-
Please,
Shut off...

I don't want to write anymore,
I feel so vain.
So pathetic and needy.

Weak.

These sentences of rhyme.
That I used to write to pass the time-
Have become an outlet for all the things on my mind.
Personal things.

I try not to write "I" because those get annoying to people.
But every single one is here,
My voice.
My words-
Emotions
Heart
Out in the open for all to see.

To judge, to poke, to prod
To wonder.

These are all about me.

I hate it, but I can't talk about it.
And I get tired of bringing it up over and over to others.
So I write.
Write it all.

My outlet for the things I try not to say-
Try to push back.
Try to not act on.
Try not to think about.
But eventually end up doing so anyway.

These words will always be my pain.

In-Sane

No more holding back.
this is the truth. Lost it all.
Love, Pain, Betrayal.
All.

Known is the way.
Known is the game.
Known is the same as tame.

To breathe in a scent unseen-
Taste something that appears unclean-
Insane.

Wanting that feeling deep, deep inside.
Craving it like the longing in one's own heart.
Hold it-
Hold  it.

Deeper, want it deeper inside-
To reach into the core of the soul.
But it can't reach.
Crave it.
Tastes like the sweetest wine.
Wine never tried.
Virgin eyes.
Pure soul-
Swallowed up whole.

Desire is enveloping the ache.
Ache for something insane.

So Alluring Mask.

Pandora

Harbor the doubts, in a secret vault.
Shh, quiet-
They might hear.

They're in a jar, that jar is sealed.
With wax from bee's hive.
It won't open.
Not now-
One's own Pandora story.

Choose to crack it, choose to hide it.
Leave it shut.
Twist the wrists that want to unleash it.
Don't let them..
Open that jar.

Pandora-
Heed the words.

Leave it be.

Bitterness

Would you understand.
What I want?
What I need?
When I bleed?

You said you would, that you do,
Perhaps I believe you,
A tiny smidget-
Real small.

Caring isn't always understanding.

Overplayed

Like an over played record it plays-
Nonstop in the mind.
My mind.

So tired of hearing the same things-
Feeling the same way, it would be better to feel emptiness.

Cannot explain the source of it.
Cannot share it with those close to me-
So close to me.
Because
In reality

They are so very far away.

Taboo

Closing eyes to the world.
Seeing what is wanted.
Who is wanted.

Gone-
know this.
Gone.Still the longing lingers on-

Pulling at what little strings are left in the threads of the walls.
Tossing and turning in a stupor sleep.

Wanting to see, wanting to feel, wanting to hear, wanting to heal.
Can't
Never can.

Speaking about the taboo-
Something never wanted for the wanted.
But, it has become.
Taboo

To fall in thoughts of you.

Bleed Unto

Pull it out,
The nail in the skin-
Pull it out.

Let the wound bleed. Bleed that pain unto me.
Who?

Me?

Bleed, come on! Bleed for me.
Pain is my strength. I need your suffering, within me.
Part of me.
Part of you.

Bleed unto me.

Lyrical

Leave, leave, leave!...Leave.
So much, anger-
Gone.

Vacant lyrical words-
Dead song.

Arise to the ending,
Can't-
Too tired.

Will shattered,
Spirit gone.

Dead, dead lyrical song.

Get up, get up...Get up!..Get up.
Don't want to.No need to.

Lie in wait-
Waiting for nothing,
Dreaming?

No, can't do that anymore.

Dead, dead lyrical song .

Breathe, breathe, breathe!...Suffocate.
Let go.
Fall.
Sleep.

Dead, dead lyrical song.

Scene

Bold choice of wording.
Bones aching.
Living in the moments of hell.

What is this feeling,
Fire?
Engulfing the very existence once thriving,
Dying.

A signal in the midst of all of this, this scene.
So very in the dark, about this.
About it.

This thing.
Dark is it.
Strong? Weak, it would seem.
Yet it pulls at the threads, begins to un weave.
Unfurling a most interesting scene-
Better than any TV,
But then TV was never just a thing.

Deleted

I wanted to hear the voice.
To know who it is that calls to me deep in the crevice of my mind.
I don't get to.

It is not meant to be-
They say.
Without saying a thing at all.

Be blind,
Deaf.

It's healthier for your mind.

Invisible

It should be-
Easier,
Understood.

Calm before the storm.
Silence in thoughts of nothingness.
Not meant to be heard.
For being heard, would make you seen.

You do not want to be seen.
Eyes that do not help with the clarity of the subject.
Turbulence, broken by stability one desires but can never have.

A fool's wish.

That is all.

Moment

It's a feeling in your bones,
Something you do not sense, until it is.

Long awaited whispers of words you remember from a dream,
Nightmare.
Follow it down the halls of blackened walls.
Fire was here.
Fire was there.

Calling to the whispers, hearing only their silent anger.
You tried to reach out,
But they only hide from you-

This is meant to break you,
You want to let it break.
Show yourself from behind the facade of who you once were.
That image is cracked.
You cannot get it back.
Your voice is nothing but a mute mouse's squeak.
Broken in.

You sensed the fire.
You just never felt when it-
The moment you died soon after.

Warning

Truth is all you have-

                It’s all that’s left.
I remember hearing, that warning from so far away.

It was mine, once future now

Present days.

Warning me, not to fall victim to your

Too honest gaze, eyes that could see through me-

This hurt, pain that lingers here,

Is stifling my soul’s rays.

                I want to regret, but I do not want to forget,

Any of it, any of you.

This pain is my breakdown,

That I plunged into.

There s no regretting, only savoring.

Stime

When time stands still,
The world will still move.
Move on it's own in a way of it's own.

Holding onto the very threads that are ripping apart.
Wondering if it is even worth it.
To wonder about such things.
If time stood still,
Would one simply live within it as statue of what once was?

Or would they become something that never was in current time,
But exists outside it.

Drift

Wandering thoughts have led me here.
This place where I do not need to call to anyone dear.
This slowly moving shallow world of dreams.

Can I stay here please?

A world where all is what I know.
And nothing is kept secret from me.
Bloodied hands are before me.

I know what I have done.
This world of dreams is my refuge,
Please no more accusations.
Let me alone in this sweet world.

Where I can be tainted of mind
All on my own.

Past Whispers

This is the night when I remember things,
Remember all that I would like to forget.
Where I hold my head in my hands and say-
I'm sorry,
Sorry for breaking into these pieces everyday.
Sorry for being nothing to myself for such a long time.
I neglected to say that I once loved you,
My past has told me it's not meant to be,
I listen.
It whispers to me.
Love,
Love again.
To not let my heart freeze in its beating.
I will do as it asks,
Learn from it.
Move forward,
And continue, even if it hurts...
To hold only thoughts of you.

Only

I had known,
Known since the very beginning.
That I would only fade into the background, again.
Still, I will not try to stop myself from falling.
This was never about me,
I only wished for happiness.
Right?
I only wished for that-
Only that.
It is my way,
I must continue forward.
Because I cannot trip and stumble in the midst of falling-
I have fallen already.
Now it is a matter of getting up,
Holding my head high,
As I pull myself up from this cold ground.
The dream I have awaken from, was a nightmare graceful and alluring.
Beckoning me,
I must get up, and stand in this darkness.
Until,
Until I find that light-
Shining in the darkness of my lonely heart.

Stronger

I am sinking further, though I wish not to.
I want to be the one who stands through it all-
even as the ground pulls me under.
To laugh in the face of hardship.
To gain the quality of perseverance,
I really want to be...
Stronger.

Fatal

Who is to stay?
In this place where there is nothing.
Where all there can be is a strive to be broken
To be left out in the open.
Yes broken.

Betrayed? Think not such things.
Tis not true I hath reason to believe.
Believe that this is merely a corruption of
Who is, who was, who never bore the eye of the seer.
Talking in riddles, can you understand dear?
Withstand the scorching anger, if you can.

This is a reprimand.
Act as if nothing is wrong.
Smile sweetie it will all be over once your gone.

Knife that grazes, cuts your cheek.
My darling I'm sorry I missed the threads of red underneath.
That cool pale skin, the blood flowing within.
Cut it, cut,
Bleed.

Can you still breathe?
Should I cut deeper?
LAUGH, I command thee to do this for me.
Kissing your cheek, biting at it-
Vampire you say?
No darling.
I am a in-sane.
You see?

My lip is dripping with the velvet of your gashed cheek.
Would you like some?
Yes, I can share.
Open your mouth-
Yes that's a dear.

Psychotic gleam in these eyes-
You try to pry, the dagger from my cold grip, but my sweet you cannot escape this.
Taste the bliss-

This is my fatal kiss.

Haywire

Images, images deep in my mind.
Killing me, killing me without another a drop of blood.
Am I slowly losing this war?
No, the battle, the war is lost.
Has been since I entered this battleground.

Emptiness lingers, in a space, void that cannot be filled-
God filled the other, or he continues to.
I cannot think like this.
This torture some feeling deep inside my mind?
No, not there, for it was there I would be visited by thoughts most unkind
In my unconsciousness.

Where I long for something I can never have.
Because that is the fate bestowed upon me.
Is this fair? Fair to even begin to think like this?
I think not, but it is not meant to be,

Notice,
Notice-
Stop!
Silence your fingers,
Another sentence more and thy might hath revealed thine
Most ashamed thoughts.

Thoughts that cause us chaos.
Yes, sweet chaos builds up steadily.

Break into pieces,
I feel I will.
Never think.

I never stop.

Thinking of you.
Where you are.

Silence! Treacherous fingers!
By the damned you betray me so!

Cut.

Other

On the other side,
I will write.
On the other side,
You will see,
All that there is to me.

Here I am silent,
Here I am kind.
Here you are blind.

We are all, valentines
Kept in the hearts of all who care about us.
Friends, companions.
Where is there to turn next?

Facial expressions that lack the true nature.
For secretive beings are we.
Am I.

Closed.

Lucid

I must know if I stand here idly
Will thou ever see me?
I am fading more with each thought,
I know I cannot.

Yet, still I do.

Awakened in my dreams, turned nightmares.
I do miss thee.

Chosen

There is a thought in the midst
Tucked away beyond the chaos, deep in the abyss.
A decision must be met, with unwavering confidence.

It must be met.

A smile as sweet, seen only once or so.
Eyes like that of the seas, mesmerizing.
A choice to be made.

Which one? Dost thou love?
Art thou lost amid thy own mind's
Madness?

Discontentment?

Or merely the third is what captures thy deepest void.
Within the folds of of fabric surrounding the walls of thy heart,
Is the voice of the one thy has chosen, yet-

Tis not meant to be.
For thy ist but a common flower amongst the brightly colored orchids.
Not in appearance, but in appeal.

The voice will never hear thy.

So, tis best thou returns to I.
I will never forsake thee.

Thou and Me,
Tis all I shalt ever need.

Ground

Possessed by an unforeseen force.
Broken words mean nothing.

Valiant effort-
Loss.

Failure is all that's left of the one who
Could never stand on their own.

Ground shakes no longer, instead it pulls one under.
Breaking that poor sadistic soul's grinning nature-
With pain beyond imagination.

See

In this world,
There are those who see.
And those who can see.

Forget all you know.
Yes, forget it all.
For you cannot see, if you are who see.
Open your eyes unto me.

Realize the truth is what you seek.
Hear the voices of those you'd never believe-
Singled out, singled out.
You must believe, without a doubt.

That you were singled out,
That you were found,
That you are not the only one.

There are few,
There are some.
Here, close to you.

They are those who can see.
The questions is...

Are you?

Known, Was Known

The theme of the day,
Is imagination's image.
Imagine a world where all is as was known.

Can you see it?
Daylight savings, measured by the light's last rays.
Time stopped merely because it was thought to be stopped.

Death, a reality.
Life, an illusion.

Everything that is known,
Was known.
No longer the same.
Grape vines on the land-
Swirled around that vineyard fence.

Cart full of rainbows-
No silly, the one's from the sky.

Faerie dust, and wishes granted.
Because all that is known,
Was known.

A Dollar A Day

A dollar a day,
That all he needs.

To make a living he needs,
He pleads.
Just a dollar a day.

He's drunk again, doesn't realize
His wife left him.

He doesn't know what happened.

Years have passed since that day.
Still he will say,
"A Dollar A Day"
In his drunk stupor,
Vision hazed.

Fifteen years old,
Didn't realize he was cold.
Cold as ice in that snow.

Picked up off the streets,
Dressed, nice- neat.
Cleaned up and ready for the week.

That was his past-
In the end he fell back.

To that bottle,
He couldn't be held back.
50 years old.
Out in the cold.

This drink was his last.

Just A Poem

These feelings,
This thought that haunts.
Far away in that deep valley of lies.

Herald to the coming of the end.
Alone, my sweet.
Alone.

Take me home.

Drive me crazy.

Spin me 'round until my vision gets hazy.

Calling, calling,
Waiting, waiting.

Dark 2

Glowing dim light is ever brighter in this dark.
I want to hold it tighter and never let go as I fall deep into this shadow.
I am light, I am dark-
Twilight being from the moon's waning rays.

These are my feelings of the past.
The feelings that haunt me in my sleep.
The ones I long to never speak.

My voice is quiet, my voice is weak.
I wish to say I can no longer be,
That person that was all that they could try and be,
An  image, a fake, a dream of me,
The way you wanted that which was not me

I wanted you to want me but you could not see.
This is the day in my heart where I am lost in the dark,
You return always on this day-
wiping everything else, everyone else away gone.

You take me away.
On this day, always.

Dark 1

Eyes are closed.
Writing in darkness.
Truth will be known.

By the end of this poem.
This is a fear.
Yes. it is a fear.

Unknowing of what the hands will write.
What the hands will reveal
From this soul's
Dark secrets.
Unsteady gazes linger in the depths-
Memories.

Memories of that which have been wept.
This is all in the dark.
Yes all in the dark
Writing, writing
What Is secret even to my heart.

Skin

How many days has it been?
Brushing away the layers of skin,
Skin that just doesn't belong anymore.

Because it's old.
Older than the rest.
Flaking off one's shoulders,
Like the sins they once had.

Holds of a different nature,
Of living messes.
Correctly diagnosed as
Skin's old tresses.

Flicker

In the flicker of the flame,
Life is lived.
Just to keep one sane.

Life is lived.
Battling out the doubts that surface, life is-
Life was.

Reconsider those consequences,
That cause the flame to flicker.

Do not let it flicker.

Colorful Dead

Awake, asleep.
Beautifully invisible.
Can you see the dust slowly fading?
Violet rays of sunshine,
Moonlight always red.
Colorful world to live in.
Colorful world of the dead.

Dreams

In a wishing mood,
People dream.
Dream that which they wish to see.
Forget the laws of physics,
They will not let life have a limit.
Because people dream,
And dreams will always be.

Untitled Day

Bright and shiny days are here.
Lost in this ridiculous notion of fear.
Bold confessions never left one so broken.
Wishing to hear the sleeping bird's cry.
As it whispers to the night,

Good bye.

Good bye sweet night, bringer of light.
Good bye for it is time.
Time for all to end,
And all to be left together.

Thoughts

Far from this which you see.
Hear the whispers up close,
Closer to your ear.

Intoxicating scene of pure essence-
Long lost to this world.
Voices clearly speaking-
Slowly fading.

Fading.

Fading.

Take

We know more than we let on.
About that long droned on song.

The way the ground shakes,
When we think of ways to fully understand its shape.

Those who have heard are those who have seen,
All that there is in this world to be.

A mystery, a garden.
Here.
Gone.

Always what we want,
We take from.

Sail

The Ocean is deep.
Deep and ever changing,
But still the old man keeps sailing.

He doesn't know when,
He'll drop his sail.

All he knows is that sweet sound of the gale.

Secluded

As the dawning of the new age comes.

We rise only to run.

Chase after dreams, break at the seams.

Daring nature awakened only to be left forgotten,

Guilt, anger.

Love devours.

Secluded, we stand.

Journey

I write in my silence.
A smile on my face.

I walk forward, into that space.

Where I know you are waiting.

Waiting for the journey to take place.

I know I'll make it there- Someday. 
Together with you...

Always.

Grandmother

Daring child, leave this place.

Find another kind old face.

Be the one who smiles for all.

Make sure you stand up again with each fall.

Never ignore your grandmother's call.

Burning

Burning sensation.

Filling me now.

I've got to break this hold on me, some way.

Somehow.

I'm wounded like an animal shot in the hunt.

Out of breath, barely holding on.

Jilted with purpose.

Slaughtered by meaning.

I'm  wishing that I just gave into the screaming.

My life is a gash, left on the leg.

Scrapes on the knees-

With no Band-aid.

Nonsense

This is me talking. 
That's right, me.

I'm breaking from the inside out.
I don't know how to sort it out.
Broken from the start I suppose.

Yeah, yeah I know thorns hurts on the rose.

Nonsense ain't my style-
I'm actin' like a cruel lil child.
Spoiled lil child.
Shut your mouth!

I ain't got the time to get ye riled- 
So spur of the moment is this rift between us.

The lion's gonna eat tonight,
Eat them lil lambs tonight.
Once, twice, thrice.

Psycho fallen angel.
Devil in disguise.
Breaking now is most unwise.

Change

I have not changed.

I do not believe that I can

This is what I hardly ever understand. 

Understand the truth behind these gentle eyes that hold a gaze.

Lost amongst the bloody haze.

Remember, remember what you once held dear. 

That is what they tell me.

That is what I'm told.

I love thee?

Do I?

I know not anymore.

For I have chosen to ignore my heart's implore.

Diving head first into confusion.

I have not changed at all.

I'm still running from thee.

Decrease

Being what is expected,
Knowing it will not change a thing.
Driving one down the road of rejection.
Is it the same?
Are they the same?
Vacant expressions say nothing of truth.
Caliber decreases.