Freezing Heart

All the things I've run from,
Always catch me in the end.
Nothing left to stand on, in this ice cavern.

At long last my heart is frozen, left open-
Far too long.

Now my soul is numbing from the warmth given out.
Not much more can be felt, not enough to pull out.
Weakening walls soon they will crumble leaving nothing left, but the icicles creating death.
To be free is not what I want.

Only for the Frost-

To thaw.

Ariel

Held in so many things.
Lost one's own sanity.

Calling to the deep-

Want to return to the waves beneath.
No longer want feet.

Just want to be free
Want to laugh and move fast, forward to life.

No, one does not want to end with a knife.

Sacred Wish

Wanting to be someone who is free,
Freedom and choice
My voice.

Living in the open,
to be who I am.

Never having to face the ridicule of man.

Always, me.

Flurry

I take a pen and put it to paper,
Hoping to make sense of it later.
I open up, I drop it all, and hold myself somewhat tall.

Once, I held to the relief.
That I would never feel any
Lover's grief.

But there is no escape from such things.
I learned it all, and relive it now.

Time is short.
Time is naught.
Hold in the chaos.
Held the way-

Want to talk, gone in all the places,
And no where else.

True to Myself

It's not about what is said.
It's all about what isn't.

I close my eyes, and hold it in.

Knowing it will only bleed out in the end.

How does one contain such a thing?

Causing misery all around, can't stop it though-
It's what I feel.

Can't fight it, I don't want to.
Take responsibility for my actions and I always will.

I need to express, I need to be-

To be heard, to share what makes me happy.

I can't hide it.
I can't deny it.
Oh, how I've tried, but it never works.

It suffocates, and stops my breathing. I can't think, and I can't keep it in.

This expression within me, this light-filled love I've felt,
I want to share it, I have to share it.

To not do so, stifles me, and thus it.

I know better, it is better to have than not to-
But to hold back...

I cannot do that.
I've done it for so long, it was a face I wore well-

It's not the same.

I'm not the same.

It must be let out,
I cannot hold it in.
I cannot hold it back.

I do not wish to,
Game or no game.

This is my heart's final say,
With holding it no longer-
I'm going to say what I want to say.

And there isn't a thing that can stop it.
Whether I want to or not.
Talk of such a feeling, will not be stopped.

Waves upon the sand

In vast seas of unknown,
Stands a figure- all alone.
Just an echo in the dark,
That is all that has been its mark.

Insanity its only cloak-
Stabs into it with no remorse.
Leaving it choking on all it cannot be
Knows it cannot be

The shore is to the sea, as the sea is to the shore-
But the sea is defined by its waves.
And the waves are unrelenting in their ways.
Reminding the figure of the sea.

She belongs unto thee.

Reason's Blade

Voices in my head,
Telling me I'm dead.

Lost amidst the empty.

Ignorance is bliss,
Longing to shut them out.

I do not know how.

These voices always say-
Every single thing to make the memories
Never fade,
To scar, and bleed freely the wounds in my soul.

For how long?
Can I hold on?
To the sanity in me, and everything I hold dearly?

When such intruders want to take it all.

Sea's Bottom

Silent whispers, of lonely hearts,
All of which have always been a part-
Of something broken.

Of something wasted on time's fluid motion.
Just here.
Cannot feel.
Cannot see.

Broken, buried deeply.
Sea.

War

I can't stand it,
Stand the war
War of nothing at my door.

There are the flags of white raised up high-
But really it's just a disguise.

To take down the army with insidious charm.
Without a plea, without any surface malicious intent.

Still I can see it,
Still I grow weary of it.
Still it lingers, twisting and suffocating,
All that of which I know.

The war of silence, smiles, and lies.

Alteration

This is new,
So it shouldn't
Have this

Effect.
No, it shouldn't not yet.

Land

All for nothing.
Nothing is more.
Green, green grass, and leaves-
Bright barked trees.

This is a world untouched.
Left in it's cool breeze,
Winter's hand brought no harsh winds to this land.

Mute

If I write it down,
Will it fade away?
This growing darkness that holds me?
Sluggish ways, broken noise.
Behind closed doors-
See no more.

Don't want to,
Can't?
Won't?

Darkness here, darkness there.
Lost in anger, once tears.
Nothing to say.

No one to say it to anyway.
Darkness
Darkness
Empty
Void

Not another string of words-
String that means the same old thing.
Nothing
Nothing all is and all should.
Nothing nothing.

Muted.

Demise

I'll come for you,
You won't see.
The red in my eyes.

Your demise.
So twisted up in your own lies.
You'll never see.

I've thrown your heart away from me.
Killing isn't my thing-
No never was.

But shards of diamond glass are starting to
Entrance me, with the idea of your lifeless body covered in them.

Red in my eyes.
Your demise,
Ignorant fool.

Good Bye, is that what you want?
Good, I'll gladly leave your selfish
Existence to rot.

Steal that light back,
Steal your life.
Beautiful demise, my dear.

Kinship

Long gone words of confusion.

Kinship long deserted, never to return-
Never to leave.

Always still.

Loyalty to no one, loyalty to all.
Falling over and over,
Knees bleeding and arms shaking.
Cold-

So cold.
Nothing left, everything left.
Frozen in the moment that never ends.

'Round and 'Round it goes.
They must go, never moving,
Never stopping.

Infinite development.
Infinite lies.
Severed ties,
Murdering times.

Rhyme, oh rhyme
Where hath thy gone?

Manic

Don’t need pain, don’t need horror.
Yet here I am stuck in between both.
Like a common fool unable to admit defeat-
Never defeat, never no not me
I will prevail in what I know is truth.
The lies, the wenches,
They can’t be bothered to give me the boot-
Out of my mind
So out of time
Can’t even fucking rhyme, in the ways I do to pass time
Just a beat in my head-
Tick tock.
Witch is , is what? A flame
Who is to blame?
The bitch who has no name.
Me dumbass.

Forest

Empty words and empty pauses,
Try to breakthrough them-
Change them.

It never works.

Some forest-filled terrain is what a heart is in this state.
Too many twists and turns,
Won't make it through-

Fall into a ditch-
Set back,
Going back
To the middle quiet.
Nothing else.

Everything, But

Hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate
Me

Try to control me, but to the deepest of my heart.
It will never work.

See, I've been down this road before-
And I've heard those crocodile sobs.

You can't make me bow to your every whim,
Unless it is my choice.

There are things I do, do for you.
Only, you.
Always you.

Just as I did for her, for them, for him.

You're not the same.

My emotions I will tie down.
My frown I will hide with a smile.
My anger I will rage and seethe inside.
My hurt I will bury in the sand, deep beneath the waves of the ocean.

But my heart, will never belong to you.
My Will will never be in your hands.

Untamed I shall stay,
Do not try to take that away.
For any attempt, any at all-

Will be your Downfall.

Image

You who write in rhymes.
You have run out of time.
Lost in the maze of circles.
Oh here we go again,
Same-
Yet again.

Your fault.
You know?
The careless words you've spoken,
Caused this fragile trust to become broken.
Cannot be mended.
For it was intended-
To always end this life.
Life of denials, killing, and cursing.

You wanted no such life.
Couldn't take the idea of emotions running slowly.
You couldn't even fathom your own undoing.
Was right there all along.
Staring vacantly back at you-
That mirror.

She's there.
Look ho! Over there.
She won't turn around- not for you.
Never for you.

She hast no memory loss when it is around her.
You, she.
Hath switched in her eyes.
You are the one.

Who always says goodbye.
You are the one who runs away and hides.
Her vacant what were they? Brown? Eyes?
You are the villain, because you said what you felt.

This is all, your fault.
Your downfall.
She is the victim.
You are the villain.

The hater, the liar, the backstabber.
You know it's the truth.
She stares vacantly, no tears shall fall.
She was the mirror, the image.

Now you are within its glass walls.
As she looks into its depths, and sees only you-
The image of you, reflects her own image.

You are the villain,
She is the Heroine.

Normalcy

It's not love.
It's normalcy.
That's what has faded away.
Finally, right?

The breath that I've been breathing was timid-
I had one foot in and one foot out.
This world, that world.
Best of both.

Little by little I leaned further and further,
To that one.
Less inclined to stay in the other.
I started losing who I was, torn between
What I knew to be true-

And what was told to me was.

I kept drifting from that one to the other,
Not finding a balance between them.
Normalcy-

I never wanted it, yet it was a comfort.
It's gone.
I understand that.
No going back-
There never was.

Free, finally...
Free.

Are you happy?
Bittersweet, is this reality-
Never Alone and yet in that...
I will always be.
Distant, far, gone,
Secluded.

Unfinished

In this place
Always in this place.
It's as if time never passed-

I know that this feeling won't last for-

Foolish

I don't understand you,
No,not at all.
Why did you choose such a-
Sad bittersweet path?
Did you believe that after being shoved down,
It would be enough?

Enough to feel even slightly-
A feeling of bliss,
That's not enough for me!

Look what you did!
You started the change, you broke him.
Left him to rot!

All because of a Con-man's attentive gaze?!

You hurt him, so much...
So very much...

And realizing your actions were foolish,
Leaving you with nothing...
I have realized in turn-

You have hurt yourself.

You were better than that!
It would have been better if it was just an act!

Away, away
To a past lord's gaze.

You fell away, in your chance for freedom.
Ran into your lover's loveless gaze
And left your other half alone, torn.

You hurt him, and in turn hurt you,
Hurt me.

Kate...
How could you?

Revisited

Heart, this is me.
I speak here freely.
Thoughts and dreams
They flee.

Fleeting never? Always moving.
In my mind in my soul.
Choking my every breath.
I cannot lye down to rest.

There is nothing more frightening-
Not knowing, not telling.

Future is bright, that is what I keep thinking.
Yet, nothing is moving and each day
I am sinking.
Thinking to myself, it will change-
For I will change it.

But doubt plagues my every move,
Pinning me down in one swift hand.
"You cannot outrun what you know I have planned"
Fail.
Failure
Tis what I am.

That is what He says to me,
It is what I will not accept.
What I cannot accept.
But fear I will soon.

"For so I will be gone tomorrow "
A lie, I am already gone.

"For my will power is not strong"
Another lie, for I have lived this long.
On will alone, driving me to live.
And live for me.

Doubt, like the Hell I have always known-
Plagues me, but it does not let go.

Wail

Circles circles
Round and round
Kept in a routine for fear of the drowned
Slowly slow stand in fear.

Fear is a beautiful thing my dear.
Wild free loose and strong.
Broken jaded cradled and flawed.
Tis the nature of all.

Whispered secrets in silent hours.
No one knows the eye's desire.
Waiting waiting for none shall come.
Rise and fall.
Nothing at all.

Boggled

here is there,
and there is here
nowhere good and nowhere clear
Shalt you find another winter's kiss?
She wouldn't know.
She only listens,
There is nothing else but what is not.
Nothing else that can be fought.
Taught
Distraught
Lost
In stagnant roses.
She hated roses.
They always rot.

Time is nothing, and yet it flies.
But doth thee know the reasons why?
I hath no other thought in mind.
Only that this is but a stop-
No, not a stop.
A place?
No
No
No

Porcelain Smile

Everything I write, every time it's fought.
All I do is smile,
Within the chaos.

A porcelain smile, just a mask.

I have no reason to live in such lies.
I want to show the truth behind it,
That crying face,

Face of desperation-
Face of loss.
Face of fear.
Face of weak-willed brokenness.
By what I hold dear.

It's what I always did-
This feeling of loneliness and anger is nothing in comparison,
I can't live on as a liar forever.

I can't continue to fight battles of others,
Because they can't fight them themselves.
But I do it anyway.
I'm not really here am I?

No, I've been gone for so long,
Too long, I don't know my purpose anymore,
I just fight, so that they live.

When did I become chained to a bitch like this?

Masochist

I love you
I hate you
Love and hate
Hate and love.

This is the way it is.
Why?
To be scorned with anger and hatred and jealousy-
Misunderstanding,
Lost in the Hurricane of all that has pinned one down.
By this feeling called Love.

Masochist.
It must be.
Who would put up with such things?

To the point where they would be become the villain in the
Eyes of their beloved ones.

Yes, just so that they feel secure.

But, this chain- bond
Feels so heavy
so dark and deep is this pit of sacrifice.

There seems no end.
And parts of one are chipped away- or forced to be chipped away.
For the greater understanding.

Most say, overrated, not worth it.

Divinity says,
No choice.

Masochist,
You have undone me. 

Paths

There are the things that must be,
Things that one never wanted.
and things that just are.

All are the same.
All paths come with pain.
This is life's game.
Feelings of old, end with one lost to the cold.

Where nothing is the way it should be.
but what is the way it should be?
What is the way it is wanted?

It is not known.
We do not know.

Ensnared

Ensnared in the dark.
Unknown to all.
Silently whispering insults to the call.
To flee is tis what is wanted, but that was in vain.
Stuck here in this moment-

Forced to be surfacely tamed.

Change

This is something new.
Something old.

Where things used to make sense...
A change in the wind, the direction-
The want, it's felt with every minute that passes through.

It is strange, confusing.
Makes the past seem like a distant memory of something that never
Should have happened to begin with, but did.

The memory is missed, yes.

The want...
What's wrong?

What is it?

Turmoil

Stop it!
Stand!

You need to stand!
Forget it!

I can't!
You can!

Stuck in the quicksand.
Blurry world.
Blurry thoughts.
Perhaps I really should just start to talk.
Yes
I think I should just talk.

Marble

Can't take it.
I said I could.
I can't
I really can't-

Trying to ignore it.
to let go.

Break past it, but I can't

I want to
So badly want to.
This isn't a feeling meant for me.

Can I trade it for greed?
I don't get lonely.
I don't fall to my knees-
Begging like some common girl with no will power to stand on her own.

I'm resisting the water that wants to fall.
Resisting the clenching and sinking feeling deep within.
It's not a common thing-
Though others would say it is.
Not to me,
No not to me.

This feeling that sends me to my knees.
To the floor.
Crashing on it's marble surface-
Cold, cool surface.
My nails bleed.
Bleed from my will to stand up but only able to lift half of me by my hands.
Palms sticky with sweat.
This is no endurance test.
Fallen on the floor.
Barely holding on to sanity.

Shaking legs, bleeding nails.
Nails that dig into the cool marble,
Marble that is freezing me to the core.

Words

Can it stop now?
The words?
Entering-
Rushing quickly to the fingers?
To create such poems as these?
It's not for me,
Not for me.

Shut up mind!
Stop creating these sentences of rhyme.
I want it to stop-
Please,
Shut off...

I don't want to write anymore,
I feel so vain.
So pathetic and needy.

Weak.

These sentences of rhyme.
That I used to write to pass the time-
Have become an outlet for all the things on my mind.
Personal things.

I try not to write "I" because those get annoying to people.
But every single one is here,
My voice.
My words-
Emotions
Heart
Out in the open for all to see.

To judge, to poke, to prod
To wonder.

These are all about me.

I hate it, but I can't talk about it.
And I get tired of bringing it up over and over to others.
So I write.
Write it all.

My outlet for the things I try not to say-
Try to push back.
Try to not act on.
Try not to think about.
But eventually end up doing so anyway.

These words will always be my pain.

In-Sane

No more holding back.
this is the truth. Lost it all.
Love, Pain, Betrayal.
All.

Known is the way.
Known is the game.
Known is the same as tame.

To breathe in a scent unseen-
Taste something that appears unclean-
Insane.

Wanting that feeling deep, deep inside.
Craving it like the longing in one's own heart.
Hold it-
Hold  it.

Deeper, want it deeper inside-
To reach into the core of the soul.
But it can't reach.
Crave it.
Tastes like the sweetest wine.
Wine never tried.
Virgin eyes.
Pure soul-
Swallowed up whole.

Desire is enveloping the ache.
Ache for something insane.

So Alluring Mask.

Pandora

Harbor the doubts, in a secret vault.
Shh, quiet-
They might hear.

They're in a jar, that jar is sealed.
With wax from bee's hive.
It won't open.
Not now-
One's own Pandora story.

Choose to crack it, choose to hide it.
Leave it shut.
Twist the wrists that want to unleash it.
Don't let them..
Open that jar.

Pandora-
Heed the words.

Leave it be.

Bitterness

Would you understand.
What I want?
What I need?
When I bleed?

You said you would, that you do,
Perhaps I believe you,
A tiny smidget-
Real small.

Caring isn't always understanding.

Overplayed

Like an over played record it plays-
Nonstop in the mind.
My mind.

So tired of hearing the same things-
Feeling the same way, it would be better to feel emptiness.

Cannot explain the source of it.
Cannot share it with those close to me-
So close to me.
Because
In reality

They are so very far away.

Taboo

Closing eyes to the world.
Seeing what is wanted.
Who is wanted.

Gone-
know this.
Gone.Still the longing lingers on-

Pulling at what little strings are left in the threads of the walls.
Tossing and turning in a stupor sleep.

Wanting to see, wanting to feel, wanting to hear, wanting to heal.
Can't
Never can.

Speaking about the taboo-
Something never wanted for the wanted.
But, it has become.
Taboo

To fall in thoughts of you.

Bleed Unto

Pull it out,
The nail in the skin-
Pull it out.

Let the wound bleed. Bleed that pain unto me.
Who?

Me?

Bleed, come on! Bleed for me.
Pain is my strength. I need your suffering, within me.
Part of me.
Part of you.

Bleed unto me.

Lyrical

Leave, leave, leave!...Leave.
So much, anger-
Gone.

Vacant lyrical words-
Dead song.

Arise to the ending,
Can't-
Too tired.

Will shattered,
Spirit gone.

Dead, dead lyrical song.

Get up, get up...Get up!..Get up.
Don't want to.No need to.

Lie in wait-
Waiting for nothing,
Dreaming?

No, can't do that anymore.

Dead, dead lyrical song .

Breathe, breathe, breathe!...Suffocate.
Let go.
Fall.
Sleep.

Dead, dead lyrical song.

Scene

Bold choice of wording.
Bones aching.
Living in the moments of hell.

What is this feeling,
Fire?
Engulfing the very existence once thriving,
Dying.

A signal in the midst of all of this, this scene.
So very in the dark, about this.
About it.

This thing.
Dark is it.
Strong? Weak, it would seem.
Yet it pulls at the threads, begins to un weave.
Unfurling a most interesting scene-
Better than any TV,
But then TV was never just a thing.

Deleted

I wanted to hear the voice.
To know who it is that calls to me deep in the crevice of my mind.
I don't get to.

It is not meant to be-
They say.
Without saying a thing at all.

Be blind,
Deaf.

It's healthier for your mind.

Invisible

It should be-
Easier,
Understood.

Calm before the storm.
Silence in thoughts of nothingness.
Not meant to be heard.
For being heard, would make you seen.

You do not want to be seen.
Eyes that do not help with the clarity of the subject.
Turbulence, broken by stability one desires but can never have.

A fool's wish.

That is all.

Moment

It's a feeling in your bones,
Something you do not sense, until it is.

Long awaited whispers of words you remember from a dream,
Nightmare.
Follow it down the halls of blackened walls.
Fire was here.
Fire was there.

Calling to the whispers, hearing only their silent anger.
You tried to reach out,
But they only hide from you-

This is meant to break you,
You want to let it break.
Show yourself from behind the facade of who you once were.
That image is cracked.
You cannot get it back.
Your voice is nothing but a mute mouse's squeak.
Broken in.

You sensed the fire.
You just never felt when it-
The moment you died soon after.

Warning

Truth is all you have-

                It’s all that’s left.
I remember hearing, that warning from so far away.

It was mine, once future now

Present days.

Warning me, not to fall victim to your

Too honest gaze, eyes that could see through me-

This hurt, pain that lingers here,

Is stifling my soul’s rays.

                I want to regret, but I do not want to forget,

Any of it, any of you.

This pain is my breakdown,

That I plunged into.

There s no regretting, only savoring.

Stime

When time stands still,
The world will still move.
Move on it's own in a way of it's own.

Holding onto the very threads that are ripping apart.
Wondering if it is even worth it.
To wonder about such things.
If time stood still,
Would one simply live within it as statue of what once was?

Or would they become something that never was in current time,
But exists outside it.

Drift

Wandering thoughts have led me here.
This place where I do not need to call to anyone dear.
This slowly moving shallow world of dreams.

Can I stay here please?

A world where all is what I know.
And nothing is kept secret from me.
Bloodied hands are before me.

I know what I have done.
This world of dreams is my refuge,
Please no more accusations.
Let me alone in this sweet world.

Where I can be tainted of mind
All on my own.

Past Whispers

This is the night when I remember things,
Remember all that I would like to forget.
Where I hold my head in my hands and say-
I'm sorry,
Sorry for breaking into these pieces everyday.
Sorry for being nothing to myself for such a long time.
I neglected to say that I once loved you,
My past has told me it's not meant to be,
I listen.
It whispers to me.
Love,
Love again.
To not let my heart freeze in its beating.
I will do as it asks,
Learn from it.
Move forward,
And continue, even if it hurts...
To hold only thoughts of you.

Only

I had known,
Known since the very beginning.
That I would only fade into the background, again.
Still, I will not try to stop myself from falling.
This was never about me,
I only wished for happiness.
Right?
I only wished for that-
Only that.
It is my way,
I must continue forward.
Because I cannot trip and stumble in the midst of falling-
I have fallen already.
Now it is a matter of getting up,
Holding my head high,
As I pull myself up from this cold ground.
The dream I have awaken from, was a nightmare graceful and alluring.
Beckoning me,
I must get up, and stand in this darkness.
Until,
Until I find that light-
Shining in the darkness of my lonely heart.

Stronger

I am sinking further, though I wish not to.
I want to be the one who stands through it all-
even as the ground pulls me under.
To laugh in the face of hardship.
To gain the quality of perseverance,
I really want to be...
Stronger.

Fatal

Who is to stay?
In this place where there is nothing.
Where all there can be is a strive to be broken
To be left out in the open.
Yes broken.

Betrayed? Think not such things.
Tis not true I hath reason to believe.
Believe that this is merely a corruption of
Who is, who was, who never bore the eye of the seer.
Talking in riddles, can you understand dear?
Withstand the scorching anger, if you can.

This is a reprimand.
Act as if nothing is wrong.
Smile sweetie it will all be over once your gone.

Knife that grazes, cuts your cheek.
My darling I'm sorry I missed the threads of red underneath.
That cool pale skin, the blood flowing within.
Cut it, cut,
Bleed.

Can you still breathe?
Should I cut deeper?
LAUGH, I command thee to do this for me.
Kissing your cheek, biting at it-
Vampire you say?
No darling.
I am a in-sane.
You see?

My lip is dripping with the velvet of your gashed cheek.
Would you like some?
Yes, I can share.
Open your mouth-
Yes that's a dear.

Psychotic gleam in these eyes-
You try to pry, the dagger from my cold grip, but my sweet you cannot escape this.
Taste the bliss-

This is my fatal kiss.

Haywire

Images, images deep in my mind.
Killing me, killing me without another a drop of blood.
Am I slowly losing this war?
No, the battle, the war is lost.
Has been since I entered this battleground.

Emptiness lingers, in a space, void that cannot be filled-
God filled the other, or he continues to.
I cannot think like this.
This torture some feeling deep inside my mind?
No, not there, for it was there I would be visited by thoughts most unkind
In my unconsciousness.

Where I long for something I can never have.
Because that is the fate bestowed upon me.
Is this fair? Fair to even begin to think like this?
I think not, but it is not meant to be,

Notice,
Notice-
Stop!
Silence your fingers,
Another sentence more and thy might hath revealed thine
Most ashamed thoughts.

Thoughts that cause us chaos.
Yes, sweet chaos builds up steadily.

Break into pieces,
I feel I will.
Never think.

I never stop.

Thinking of you.
Where you are.

Silence! Treacherous fingers!
By the damned you betray me so!

Cut.

Other

On the other side,
I will write.
On the other side,
You will see,
All that there is to me.

Here I am silent,
Here I am kind.
Here you are blind.

We are all, valentines
Kept in the hearts of all who care about us.
Friends, companions.
Where is there to turn next?

Facial expressions that lack the true nature.
For secretive beings are we.
Am I.

Closed.

Lucid

I must know if I stand here idly
Will thou ever see me?
I am fading more with each thought,
I know I cannot.

Yet, still I do.

Awakened in my dreams, turned nightmares.
I do miss thee.

Chosen

There is a thought in the midst
Tucked away beyond the chaos, deep in the abyss.
A decision must be met, with unwavering confidence.

It must be met.

A smile as sweet, seen only once or so.
Eyes like that of the seas, mesmerizing.
A choice to be made.

Which one? Dost thou love?
Art thou lost amid thy own mind's
Madness?

Discontentment?

Or merely the third is what captures thy deepest void.
Within the folds of of fabric surrounding the walls of thy heart,
Is the voice of the one thy has chosen, yet-

Tis not meant to be.
For thy ist but a common flower amongst the brightly colored orchids.
Not in appearance, but in appeal.

The voice will never hear thy.

So, tis best thou returns to I.
I will never forsake thee.

Thou and Me,
Tis all I shalt ever need.

Ground

Possessed by an unforeseen force.
Broken words mean nothing.

Valiant effort-
Loss.

Failure is all that's left of the one who
Could never stand on their own.

Ground shakes no longer, instead it pulls one under.
Breaking that poor sadistic soul's grinning nature-
With pain beyond imagination.

See

In this world,
There are those who see.
And those who can see.

Forget all you know.
Yes, forget it all.
For you cannot see, if you are who see.
Open your eyes unto me.

Realize the truth is what you seek.
Hear the voices of those you'd never believe-
Singled out, singled out.
You must believe, without a doubt.

That you were singled out,
That you were found,
That you are not the only one.

There are few,
There are some.
Here, close to you.

They are those who can see.
The questions is...

Are you?

Known, Was Known

The theme of the day,
Is imagination's image.
Imagine a world where all is as was known.

Can you see it?
Daylight savings, measured by the light's last rays.
Time stopped merely because it was thought to be stopped.

Death, a reality.
Life, an illusion.

Everything that is known,
Was known.
No longer the same.
Grape vines on the land-
Swirled around that vineyard fence.

Cart full of rainbows-
No silly, the one's from the sky.

Faerie dust, and wishes granted.
Because all that is known,
Was known.

A Dollar A Day

A dollar a day,
That all he needs.

To make a living he needs,
He pleads.
Just a dollar a day.

He's drunk again, doesn't realize
His wife left him.

He doesn't know what happened.

Years have passed since that day.
Still he will say,
"A Dollar A Day"
In his drunk stupor,
Vision hazed.

Fifteen years old,
Didn't realize he was cold.
Cold as ice in that snow.

Picked up off the streets,
Dressed, nice- neat.
Cleaned up and ready for the week.

That was his past-
In the end he fell back.

To that bottle,
He couldn't be held back.
50 years old.
Out in the cold.

This drink was his last.

Just A Poem

These feelings,
This thought that haunts.
Far away in that deep valley of lies.

Herald to the coming of the end.
Alone, my sweet.
Alone.

Take me home.

Drive me crazy.

Spin me 'round until my vision gets hazy.

Calling, calling,
Waiting, waiting.

Dark 2

Glowing dim light is ever brighter in this dark.
I want to hold it tighter and never let go as I fall deep into this shadow.
I am light, I am dark-
Twilight being from the moon's waning rays.

These are my feelings of the past.
The feelings that haunt me in my sleep.
The ones I long to never speak.

My voice is quiet, my voice is weak.
I wish to say I can no longer be,
That person that was all that they could try and be,
An  image, a fake, a dream of me,
The way you wanted that which was not me

I wanted you to want me but you could not see.
This is the day in my heart where I am lost in the dark,
You return always on this day-
wiping everything else, everyone else away gone.

You take me away.
On this day, always.

Dark 1

Eyes are closed.
Writing in darkness.
Truth will be known.

By the end of this poem.
This is a fear.
Yes. it is a fear.

Unknowing of what the hands will write.
What the hands will reveal
From this soul's
Dark secrets.
Unsteady gazes linger in the depths-
Memories.

Memories of that which have been wept.
This is all in the dark.
Yes all in the dark
Writing, writing
What Is secret even to my heart.

Skin

How many days has it been?
Brushing away the layers of skin,
Skin that just doesn't belong anymore.

Because it's old.
Older than the rest.
Flaking off one's shoulders,
Like the sins they once had.

Holds of a different nature,
Of living messes.
Correctly diagnosed as
Skin's old tresses.

Flicker

In the flicker of the flame,
Life is lived.
Just to keep one sane.

Life is lived.
Battling out the doubts that surface, life is-
Life was.

Reconsider those consequences,
That cause the flame to flicker.

Do not let it flicker.

Colorful Dead

Awake, asleep.
Beautifully invisible.
Can you see the dust slowly fading?
Violet rays of sunshine,
Moonlight always red.
Colorful world to live in.
Colorful world of the dead.

Dreams

In a wishing mood,
People dream.
Dream that which they wish to see.
Forget the laws of physics,
They will not let life have a limit.
Because people dream,
And dreams will always be.

Untitled Day

Bright and shiny days are here.
Lost in this ridiculous notion of fear.
Bold confessions never left one so broken.
Wishing to hear the sleeping bird's cry.
As it whispers to the night,

Good bye.

Good bye sweet night, bringer of light.
Good bye for it is time.
Time for all to end,
And all to be left together.

Thoughts

Far from this which you see.
Hear the whispers up close,
Closer to your ear.

Intoxicating scene of pure essence-
Long lost to this world.
Voices clearly speaking-
Slowly fading.

Fading.

Fading.

Take

We know more than we let on.
About that long droned on song.

The way the ground shakes,
When we think of ways to fully understand its shape.

Those who have heard are those who have seen,
All that there is in this world to be.

A mystery, a garden.
Here.
Gone.

Always what we want,
We take from.

Sail

The Ocean is deep.
Deep and ever changing,
But still the old man keeps sailing.

He doesn't know when,
He'll drop his sail.

All he knows is that sweet sound of the gale.

Secluded

As the dawning of the new age comes.

We rise only to run.

Chase after dreams, break at the seams.

Daring nature awakened only to be left forgotten,

Guilt, anger.

Love devours.

Secluded, we stand.

Journey

I write in my silence.
A smile on my face.

I walk forward, into that space.

Where I know you are waiting.

Waiting for the journey to take place.

I know I'll make it there- Someday. 
Together with you...

Always.

Grandmother

Daring child, leave this place.

Find another kind old face.

Be the one who smiles for all.

Make sure you stand up again with each fall.

Never ignore your grandmother's call.

Burning

Burning sensation.

Filling me now.

I've got to break this hold on me, some way.

Somehow.

I'm wounded like an animal shot in the hunt.

Out of breath, barely holding on.

Jilted with purpose.

Slaughtered by meaning.

I'm  wishing that I just gave into the screaming.

My life is a gash, left on the leg.

Scrapes on the knees-

With no Band-aid.

Nonsense

This is me talking. 
That's right, me.

I'm breaking from the inside out.
I don't know how to sort it out.
Broken from the start I suppose.

Yeah, yeah I know thorns hurts on the rose.

Nonsense ain't my style-
I'm actin' like a cruel lil child.
Spoiled lil child.
Shut your mouth!

I ain't got the time to get ye riled- 
So spur of the moment is this rift between us.

The lion's gonna eat tonight,
Eat them lil lambs tonight.
Once, twice, thrice.

Psycho fallen angel.
Devil in disguise.
Breaking now is most unwise.

Change

I have not changed.

I do not believe that I can

This is what I hardly ever understand. 

Understand the truth behind these gentle eyes that hold a gaze.

Lost amongst the bloody haze.

Remember, remember what you once held dear. 

That is what they tell me.

That is what I'm told.

I love thee?

Do I?

I know not anymore.

For I have chosen to ignore my heart's implore.

Diving head first into confusion.

I have not changed at all.

I'm still running from thee.

Decrease

Being what is expected,
Knowing it will not change a thing.
Driving one down the road of rejection.
Is it the same?
Are they the same?
Vacant expressions say nothing of truth.
Caliber decreases.

Fade

Fade unto me,
Only me.
For me.
I long for thee.
Only thee.
Save me, my lovely memory.

Tale

Spread cheer, spread cheer.
Happy days are here!
In this night was light born,
Years, years ago.
Tales of old, still told-
Handed down, passed around.
Joyous occasions filled with never ending innovations.
On how to bring together a Fam-ily.
To make children smile through out the years,
Remember they are children,
And only children.
Let their minds dream of sweetness and purity of this world.
For they are the key-
To its future destiny.

What is this feeling I feel?
This vast emptiness once again.
What reason?
What purpose?
Why is it filling me now?
Is it something from the past.

Sanity

Exhilarating, this demon suffocating me.
Was I wrong to resist?

Resist this forbidden bliss?
I think I was.

No, I wasn't

Conflictual thoughts plague my mind,
Countering each other out. I don't understand where I'm breaking.

All I know is that I am.

Silence presses down on me.

What's wrong?
What's wrong?
This silence is not my friend.

Whispers are filling my head,
They are not my friends.
Fearing my mind.
Loving my fear.

Asylum,
Take me.
Take me
Away into that place I fear.
To your depths of sanity redeeming qualities.

Forget
Remember
Alone, again.
I have no clue why.
Was it my own doing?

No, I was always alone, always here-
Here in my mind's sanctuary.

They cannot see me.
For my eyes are shadowed by doubts.
I cannot trust.
I will not trust.

Enough.
Enough!

Sanity.
O' sanity.

Please leave me.

Further

I understand less and less.
Why I'm always never giving my best.

Settling for less.

Holding out for everyone else,
Never thinking much about myself.

Sacrifice.

Sacrifice, this time.

Selfish when my family calls-
I do not wish for it at all.

My eyes are blind, blind to all that is never seen.
Yes, this is under laying the darkness that is me.
Always was me.

Self-esteem,
It was never a treasure that belonged to me-
It was an item stolen from me.

I cannot run, I cannot live.
For I am not together in my head.
I'm wishing I was dead.

One minute passes,
Two hours more.
Here I stand.

Not knowing where to go.

Solitude

I am all I see,
In this world there is only me.

Me in this world.

This world that holds me.

Empty, emptiness feelings fill me.
I cannot break.

I was never whole.

I'm not known.

I'm a shadow.
Shadow of what I could be.

I reach out, but no one hears me.

Because in this world.
There is only me.

Anger

Let's talk this over.
Before we're forced down under-
By that anger.

Misdirected rage.
Sick of of all these broken days.
Follow no more.
I resent thee,
for resenting me.

Turn away, turn away-
You did so first.
Shut your mouth, shut your mouth.
That's all you say.

Go away, go away.
Violent child.
My broken down enemy-
No longer.

Friend in need.

Why must you turn from me?

Eternal

Let's say that things were meant to be this way.
That you were always meant to stand in my way.
To beat me down without ever realizing, or pretending that you don't.

It's killing me, you're killing me from the inside out.
You make me scream and cry out to someone, anyone to make you disappear.
You're a thorn in my side.

Breaking my skin.
Holding me down with the venom you pour in.
Dying, dying am I.

Within.

Your never-ending lies.

So full of it are you, so irritating too!
I jest with you, smile with you, laugh with you.
I want to hate you, oh the satin-filled visages I do.

Yet I can't...
Perhaps that is why I cannot escape you.

Slime

My mind is slipping into a state it should never enter.

Reject the warning call,
That one should even have these thoughts as all.

These slime-covered walls surround me.
And the rusted chains on the doors,
Distract me, with their sound.

That alluring call.

"Come to me."

"Fight no longer."

"Join me."

Halfway in...
I pull out,
The vision spins.
I freak out.

Destroy myself!

These slime-filled chambers,
Brushing my skin-
Leaving an imprint within,
Each. Small. Cell.

Evolve, evolve!

Let go-

"Join me."

Escape, I want to, but it is a bittersweet desire.
For it is desire that holds me here.
Desire of slime-covered walls.

Artists

I hold my life in large discretion.
Keeping that which I love a very big
Secret,
Won't let others know.

Won't let it show.
That me, inside- covered another.
The Thick glass of decit.

I'm sinking,
Sinking beneath.

See?

My feet are disappearing.
As I fall.

Fall.

Without knowing why.

I just do.
And I let myself too.
Such is the way of the artist.

We are always falling.

F
a
l
l
i
n
g
.
.
.

Into that state of unknowing.
Because,
We have to,

We need to-

We Must.

That is how life works for us.
That is how it will always...

Work.

For.

Us.

Medium

Knowledge for all and yet little is known.
We continue traveling in sections where little else is realized.
Little else makes sense.

Yes that is what we do,
All we do.
For that is all we can do.

Don't think,
Just write and write.
For all of time, let thou fingers
Be an instrument-
Used for all time.

Write, write, write.
In the differences between now and then.
Return from there to here and back again.

Medium of the pen.
Medium of the vision.
Pay no more attention to your life,
Let it pass by-
Simply pass by.

Drop that attitude, you hold so near.
Drop it and return.
Return here, for us.

Yes, only for us.

Cousin of insanity.

My love,
Forsake that which is known.

Drop, fall, into that which you don't recall.

November

It is near that time again.
That same time when life turns you 'round.
That month where you're down on the ground.
Beggin for life to begin.
Yes, that time...
Again.

Iced-over

New coldness in my fingers-
Sinking to my bones.
There, there!
It lingers!
A place, I cannot go.
This voice that reaches under,
The Darkness down below.
Here from there and after.
To there, I shall go.

The blood that runs through my veins,
Has frozen.
Frozen into snow- Ice.
A sheet of desperation.
For something to thaw it,
That liquid, a I feeling I wish to show.

Bland

I hold nothing in this illusion.
As I fall further from my eyes' domain.
It is nothing.
It is all.
Curse.
Curse...
Betrayal.

Shallow

We sit in our reminiscing,
Without thinking of it all that much.
Just drifting
From line to line.
Lots of lines
That do not add up at all.

Die

Fallen down.

Close my eyes. Shut them,
Shut them.

Don't look!

Hold my breath.

Die. Die. Die.

Succumb to the darkness...
You can't handle the light.
You tried, oh you tried.

You failed.
You're miserable, life is cruel.
You won't pick up the pieces. You don't want to.

You give up.

So...

Die!

Accept

I will run from that side.
that shameful side.
That has awakened.

Whispers that it's all okay-
But I won't accept that.

I can't accept that.

Dangerous, is thy mind.

White

The petals are falling,
Drifting slowly.
Descending to the endless white
That drenches the ground with its
Body.
Deep endless white.

That never fades, never goes away.
Only expands , from the floor to the walls.
And those petals stay,

There, they lay.
On the white floor.
Red-stain, yes the petals
Are like blood,
Speckled on the floor.

In this never-ending white.
That stretches from the ground,
And envelopes the identity of
Life's gentle sound.
While death looms no longer,
For all shadows are gone.
Nothing left, nothing forgotten
In white's song.
All is, all gone.

Existence

Today I awoke.
With a distant memory.
A memory of you.
I began to question you.
Your existence and my eyes.

I fell away.
And I feared I'd never find you again.

I called to you.
And begged,
Begged you not to leave me behind.
In this world that had long forgotten who I was.

And you returned,
Returned before I could shed
The tears that I want to cry.

You returned to stay by my side-
To assure me,
You'd never desert me.

That you would be here always, always...

Here with me.

We

The unique existence.
Of those, like us.
Who dream into another realm.
And while awake we see what others cannot tell-
Are real, like us.
Who are like us, they are not
"It" but he, them, him.

We know them by name.
We have no shame,
Of seeing what what others would label
To be a sign that we are "insane".

Confused, mentally challenged, we see
What they choose not to.

Wait

We wait,
for the moment life is but a faded image.
Of what could have been,
and what was.
Where it takes one,
No one knows what to do,
Who to turn to,
Where to go.

They just pass by like the stepping stones of time.
Yes, those stones.

We, wait and wait.
Until we begin to forget,
What it is we were waiting for.
That is why we wait,
For what could have been,
And what was,
But never will again.

For we lost our faith from within.
Within those forgotten folds of time.

At a stand still.
For that day until,
We open up our
Closed.

Shut.

Sinless.

Heart's eyes.

Neglect

Sporadic meetings, clear thy vision,
And hold on to the past as if it were nothing,
But a fragment of shattered glass.
There is no reason that it must be done like this-
It just is, always has been.

No reason to alter such an old way.
When it's worked perfectly for so many days.
So many decades.
Let the past wither slowly, do not pick it up-
Let it sit.

For if you are cut by it.
You cannot be healed from its touch.
A burning scar will be left for here on after.

Let the past wither slowly,
And don't pick up its shattered pieces.
No matter how lonely.

Mirror

There in the secret garden,
Where I hold so little.
Of my sanity.
Breaking my life's vanity
Into fragments.

Thoughts

A discovery I have made.
About the ways of Humans.
Significant changes in their behavior,
Like a fever, only it's better.
For them to just hold on their own.
Is about as much danger as,
Leaving them alone
With thoughts,
Sweet thoughts.

It pulls them into chaos.
Whispers for them to disobey.
Play the Devil's dangerous game.
And eventually locking their souls away.