Further

I understand less and less.
Why I'm always never giving my best.

Settling for less.

Holding out for everyone else,
Never thinking much about myself.

Sacrifice.

Sacrifice, this time.

Selfish when my family calls-
I do not wish for it at all.

My eyes are blind, blind to all that is never seen.
Yes, this is under laying the darkness that is me.
Always was me.

Self-esteem,
It was never a treasure that belonged to me-
It was an item stolen from me.

I cannot run, I cannot live.
For I am not together in my head.
I'm wishing I was dead.

One minute passes,
Two hours more.
Here I stand.

Not knowing where to go.

Solitude

I am all I see,
In this world there is only me.

Me in this world.

This world that holds me.

Empty, emptiness feelings fill me.
I cannot break.

I was never whole.

I'm not known.

I'm a shadow.
Shadow of what I could be.

I reach out, but no one hears me.

Because in this world.
There is only me.

Anger

Let's talk this over.
Before we're forced down under-
By that anger.

Misdirected rage.
Sick of of all these broken days.
Follow no more.
I resent thee,
for resenting me.

Turn away, turn away-
You did so first.
Shut your mouth, shut your mouth.
That's all you say.

Go away, go away.
Violent child.
My broken down enemy-
No longer.

Friend in need.

Why must you turn from me?

Eternal

Let's say that things were meant to be this way.
That you were always meant to stand in my way.
To beat me down without ever realizing, or pretending that you don't.

It's killing me, you're killing me from the inside out.
You make me scream and cry out to someone, anyone to make you disappear.
You're a thorn in my side.

Breaking my skin.
Holding me down with the venom you pour in.
Dying, dying am I.

Within.

Your never-ending lies.

So full of it are you, so irritating too!
I jest with you, smile with you, laugh with you.
I want to hate you, oh the satin-filled visages I do.

Yet I can't...
Perhaps that is why I cannot escape you.

Slime

My mind is slipping into a state it should never enter.

Reject the warning call,
That one should even have these thoughts as all.

These slime-covered walls surround me.
And the rusted chains on the doors,
Distract me, with their sound.

That alluring call.

"Come to me."

"Fight no longer."

"Join me."

Halfway in...
I pull out,
The vision spins.
I freak out.

Destroy myself!

These slime-filled chambers,
Brushing my skin-
Leaving an imprint within,
Each. Small. Cell.

Evolve, evolve!

Let go-

"Join me."

Escape, I want to, but it is a bittersweet desire.
For it is desire that holds me here.
Desire of slime-covered walls.

Artists

I hold my life in large discretion.
Keeping that which I love a very big
Secret,
Won't let others know.

Won't let it show.
That me, inside- covered another.
The Thick glass of decit.

I'm sinking,
Sinking beneath.

See?

My feet are disappearing.
As I fall.

Fall.

Without knowing why.

I just do.
And I let myself too.
Such is the way of the artist.

We are always falling.

F
a
l
l
i
n
g
.
.
.

Into that state of unknowing.
Because,
We have to,

We need to-

We Must.

That is how life works for us.
That is how it will always...

Work.

For.

Us.

Medium

Knowledge for all and yet little is known.
We continue traveling in sections where little else is realized.
Little else makes sense.

Yes that is what we do,
All we do.
For that is all we can do.

Don't think,
Just write and write.
For all of time, let thou fingers
Be an instrument-
Used for all time.

Write, write, write.
In the differences between now and then.
Return from there to here and back again.

Medium of the pen.
Medium of the vision.
Pay no more attention to your life,
Let it pass by-
Simply pass by.

Drop that attitude, you hold so near.
Drop it and return.
Return here, for us.

Yes, only for us.

Cousin of insanity.

My love,
Forsake that which is known.

Drop, fall, into that which you don't recall.

November

It is near that time again.
That same time when life turns you 'round.
That month where you're down on the ground.
Beggin for life to begin.
Yes, that time...
Again.

Iced-over

New coldness in my fingers-
Sinking to my bones.
There, there!
It lingers!
A place, I cannot go.
This voice that reaches under,
The Darkness down below.
Here from there and after.
To there, I shall go.

The blood that runs through my veins,
Has frozen.
Frozen into snow- Ice.
A sheet of desperation.
For something to thaw it,
That liquid, a I feeling I wish to show.

Bland

I hold nothing in this illusion.
As I fall further from my eyes' domain.
It is nothing.
It is all.
Curse.
Curse...
Betrayal.

Shallow

We sit in our reminiscing,
Without thinking of it all that much.
Just drifting
From line to line.
Lots of lines
That do not add up at all.

Die

Fallen down.

Close my eyes. Shut them,
Shut them.

Don't look!

Hold my breath.

Die. Die. Die.

Succumb to the darkness...
You can't handle the light.
You tried, oh you tried.

You failed.
You're miserable, life is cruel.
You won't pick up the pieces. You don't want to.

You give up.

So...

Die!

Accept

I will run from that side.
that shameful side.
That has awakened.

Whispers that it's all okay-
But I won't accept that.

I can't accept that.

Dangerous, is thy mind.

White

The petals are falling,
Drifting slowly.
Descending to the endless white
That drenches the ground with its
Body.
Deep endless white.

That never fades, never goes away.
Only expands , from the floor to the walls.
And those petals stay,

There, they lay.
On the white floor.
Red-stain, yes the petals
Are like blood,
Speckled on the floor.

In this never-ending white.
That stretches from the ground,
And envelopes the identity of
Life's gentle sound.
While death looms no longer,
For all shadows are gone.
Nothing left, nothing forgotten
In white's song.
All is, all gone.

Existence

Today I awoke.
With a distant memory.
A memory of you.
I began to question you.
Your existence and my eyes.

I fell away.
And I feared I'd never find you again.

I called to you.
And begged,
Begged you not to leave me behind.
In this world that had long forgotten who I was.

And you returned,
Returned before I could shed
The tears that I want to cry.

You returned to stay by my side-
To assure me,
You'd never desert me.

That you would be here always, always...

Here with me.

We

The unique existence.
Of those, like us.
Who dream into another realm.
And while awake we see what others cannot tell-
Are real, like us.
Who are like us, they are not
"It" but he, them, him.

We know them by name.
We have no shame,
Of seeing what what others would label
To be a sign that we are "insane".

Confused, mentally challenged, we see
What they choose not to.

Wait

We wait,
for the moment life is but a faded image.
Of what could have been,
and what was.
Where it takes one,
No one knows what to do,
Who to turn to,
Where to go.

They just pass by like the stepping stones of time.
Yes, those stones.

We, wait and wait.
Until we begin to forget,
What it is we were waiting for.
That is why we wait,
For what could have been,
And what was,
But never will again.

For we lost our faith from within.
Within those forgotten folds of time.

At a stand still.
For that day until,
We open up our
Closed.

Shut.

Sinless.

Heart's eyes.

Neglect

Sporadic meetings, clear thy vision,
And hold on to the past as if it were nothing,
But a fragment of shattered glass.
There is no reason that it must be done like this-
It just is, always has been.

No reason to alter such an old way.
When it's worked perfectly for so many days.
So many decades.
Let the past wither slowly, do not pick it up-
Let it sit.

For if you are cut by it.
You cannot be healed from its touch.
A burning scar will be left for here on after.

Let the past wither slowly,
And don't pick up its shattered pieces.
No matter how lonely.

Mirror

There in the secret garden,
Where I hold so little.
Of my sanity.
Breaking my life's vanity
Into fragments.

Thoughts

A discovery I have made.
About the ways of Humans.
Significant changes in their behavior,
Like a fever, only it's better.
For them to just hold on their own.
Is about as much danger as,
Leaving them alone
With thoughts,
Sweet thoughts.

It pulls them into chaos.
Whispers for them to disobey.
Play the Devil's dangerous game.
And eventually locking their souls away.